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You worried about your kids?

images123I38LJYou have seen the neighbor kids make some rally bad choices.  You have seen their parents beside themselves with worry and anguish.  And you just don’t want the same for your family.   You want to keep your kids out of TROUBLE.

The coaches at Changes Coaching present the T.R.O.U.B.L.E. strategies to develop positive family relationships.

Teach by Example. 

It is important for parents to be aware that their child(ren) watch and learn from the adults in the household. Parents need to monitor their own behaviors as they are the first role models the child sees.  For example, parents who routinely use profanity or speak aggressively will often have young children who say words that are inappropriate and/or act aggressively toward peers, siblings, or pets.

Reinforce Positive Behavior.

Catch your child being good instead of always being critical and harsh. Parents that routinely praise their child’s good behavior will have less conflict related to the child’s behaviors.  Children will often use attention-seeking behaviors to obtain attention from the adults in the home. Parents need to remember that negative attention is better than no attention from the child’s point of view. Children that receive positive praise will display less negative behaviors.

Open Communication.

Parents who try to communicate with their children in a respectful, non-judgmental manner will have children that want to talk to their parents about difficult issues. The child will feel that their opinions are important and valued.  Many parents feel that “I am the parent…what I say goes”. The problem with this type of communication does not allow the child to express their thoughts and feeling. Children will soon feel as if the parent does not value the child and the child will refrain from communicating when the child has an issue.

Understand your child’s behaviors and emotions.

Listen to your child. No, I mean really listen without criticism and with love.  Your child will tell you what they are feeling through their behavior.  Observe their behaviors and listen to their explanations.

Believe in your Child and Take Baby steps to change.

Do you believe in and value your child? Do you convey your positive thoughts, pride, and joy to your child?  Or do you give them the message that they are “stupid”, “dumb”, “worthless”, or that you are always disappointed in them?  The way to find out how they feel is to either ask them to describe how they think you feel about them. Don’t be too surprised by their responses.

Love and Respect your child.

Love and respect is all any child (or adult) wants. After a child has all of their basic needs met, love, honesty and respect is all they will want.

Expectations and Encouragement.

When expectations of the child are too much for the child to do or if the expectations are vague and difficult, the child will never be able to be good enough. The same is true of the child’s expectations of their parents.  Looking at the parent’s beliefs regarding family life often sheds light on their family experience as a child.

A close look at the beliefs that the child holds for the parent might explain the beliefs the child holds for family life.